In my previous post, titled Guess what, I had written a very short summary of the spending of a regular Indian family. Their dream, their aspirations. The one most expensive dream of their life is to get their daughter married.
Very, very predictably, mostly everyone said the family must have bought a house.
The only one person who figured it out was Sraboney.
And thinking a bit more about it post publishing the article, I thought this should have been the case too. Isn’t owning our own house a life long dream? Isn’t that what we work hard for? To have our own roof over our heads?
What have we done to the Indian society. A parent’s worst financial nightmare should have been buying a house but sadly it’s getting our daughters married.
We spend so much in the daughter’s wedding that the lifelong saving bank we build up with our hard work all goes into it.
How many of you know of some family who took a loan just for their daughter’s wedding?
I’m very sure each one of us knows at least one family (most probably more) who’ve taken a loan just for the daughter’s wedding. We’ve become so materialistically oriented that we’re even ready to sacrifice our retirement funds for it.
Are we really making our daughters life any better with that? What does all the expense really achieve?
Education makes us. Isn’t that so? Then why do we rely on Washing machines, Air conditioners, Televisions, Cars, expensive clothes and jewelry in a feeble attempt to make the daughter’s life happy?
Does it really become happy? The way I see it, we love our daughters and bring them up like princesses and then when it’s time for them to get married we rely on money to make their marriage successful?
The way I see it, we basically find grooms for our princesses who can’t even afford a Television, a Sofa, a Bed, an Air conditioner! Why do we do that?
Why can’t we instead find a boy for her who is educated, has a decent job and can afford a Television for let’s say maybe thirty thousand Indian rupees? (US $ 600)
Rome wasn’t built in a day. Same goes for New Delhi, Mumbai, New York, San Francisco. Then why do we sell ourselves and send our daughters to their married homes laden with electronics, jewelry, cars and cash?
Why don’t we let the new couple build their married life slowly with their own hard work and dedication?
So basically we do not trust our very own daughter, our flesh and blood, our upbringing to save a few thousand rupees and buy a Television?
What does that say about us?
I was almost there
rejected the reason myself how stupid can i be. But so much on a daughters wedding oooops thats diabolical…
Well Its not about leaving the couple to start there life, majority of the times and please dont say it doesnot happen its the dowry , it is expected of a Girls family to give gifts ..
THats why here in UK the kids after 16 or 18 make there own way, parents help yes, they do the rest even earn for there own wedding .. No wonder the White community doesnot have so many problems as we have in our society.
You are right we should help them thats it and the rest they do themselves , I hope people read it and start doing it ..
Tried to furnish a sensible and good comment, but heat has made me go brain dead.Don’t know if I will make sense.
I just know I am not marrying a person who asks my parents to load him with Car and washing machine and a Plasma TV and all the appliances and gadgets etc etc. Utter D of Dowry and get kicked in the ass. Yes, you know me, I can never do without few kicks and punches
I am already working my way up for a good career and hopefully by the time I reach the so called “marriageable” age (which for me is whenever I feel like getting married be it any number) I will have a stable job. So I am not going to let my parents finance it or pay for anything. And I believe two people who are getting married should be responsible for the expense as well. (Britannia 50-50 ads do make sense to me now).
And of course, I wouldn’t agree to marry a boy who cannot finance the marriage and our living. Living on gifts from parents is something I can never do. And I don’t understand what kind of self respect these grooms have, they let it stoop low enough to lick the ground so that they get more and are never ashamed of it.
And, gifts are not the guarantee cards for a happy married life. I have a cousin sister who was loaded with money and useful costly gifts and still the husband doesn’t love her, doesn’t like talking to her, and she often returns to parents asking for this and that.
nahi takku…most parents are NOT like this today. times have changed, girls are educated and employed and parents know that they are no “less” than a boy.hence the question of getting white goods to ensure good marriages is not correct.
i am sure there would be a few stray disturbing stories which we all know, but m glad, India today is shining, not just the glitter of gold jewels, but medals too
why cant the girl pay for her own damn wedding?
It isn’t about the girl paying for her own wedding.
What would you call such a situation?
The point is, that we should let the kids marry and make their own way. There is too much interference in the Indian society. Why do we search for grooms who have well stable jobs and a decent career plus future and then give them an Electronics store, a Jewelry store and a bank as a gift?
We really need to end the Dowry traditions in India. They’re going too much overboard now. Check the statistics. How many elderly people withdraw their entire life’s savings for their daughter’s wedding?
What about the parents future?
It’s a huge vicious never ending circle.
And this when deaths related to greed for dowry should be seen as an indication of how little dowry protects a daughter.
Very, very true.
The day we overcome this age old mentality, we will overcome the gender bias we have in our society.
My daughter is 9 years old, and I was shocked the other day, one of the elderly relatives asked me whether I am saving up enough for her wedding. I told her bluntly that for me the main aim is to make her capable enough to be well educated and financially self dependent; whether and how she gets married is her business. The incident left me fuming the all day. When will we all change?
umm, just don’t do it?
I am a guy and have yet to get married, but i think i would not trust someone with my daughter if the concept of dowry is at all mentioned directly or indirectly, even if they decide not to take any in the end. Cos a pit itself is an accident hazard. Plus it is a dark pit whose bottom I cannot see, so might as well be bottomless. And it is even bigger risk if they cover the pit when i call it ugly. Could fall in when not even expecting!