I was chatting with some people from work the other day. The conversation turned to our savings, retirement plans & plans for a fixed source of income post retirement.
And I said what I feel. I’m a dunce that way. Must remind myself not to speak my mind aloud in front of other intelligent people.
When the conversation turned to the time when my daughter would get married, I said I’m not going to spend my savings or PPF or retirement plans or take a loan to fund the wedding. I’d just let the daughter team up with the guy & let them both spend what they can afford.
After all, I wouldn’t want my child to marry someone who can’t even afford a wedding, right?
Needless to say, my colleagues were shocked. The gasps & the stares of disbelief I got I will leave to your imagination.
What would you do? Would you give up all your life’s saving & retirement plans to fund your daughters wedding? Or son for that matter?
What would you do post retirement then?
Am I wrong? Should we or should we not let our kids go their own way & spend their own money on their own wedding?
Am I wrong in wanting to be financially safe in my old age?
Support you on that. First of all, I don’t understand the system of calling the entire city to marriage, I mean, it’s two people starting their life together. All that is required is their and the family’s consent and blessings. Secondly, with all the career hype and corporate boom in today’s generation kids, parents need not spend their entire life’s savings to fund the marriage. If two people cannot afford to fund their own marriage there is no point starting a family.
Lastly, is it just my system gone slow or the comment section of the blog has slowed down? Typing is not fluid.
Is this a new gimmick to ask for a new laptop?
@Archie,
People are invited to wedding not into marriage.
Wedding is an event and marriage is process involving two consenting adults.
Peace,
Desi Girl
I don’t see why you should be wrong at all. No, really! You’re completely justified on your part, and if a person decides to get married, one has to be ready for that kind of a responsibility, and perhaps the first one would be being stable enough to GET married.
P.s- YOU UPDATED :’)
<3
Little Apple.
<3 you too Little Apple.
You are ABSOLUTELY right, What is the point in spending SOOOOO much money on a 3-4 day event. shouldnt that money be saved for the MARRIAGE..rather than a WEDDING?
i dont get how ppl can spend lakhs and lakhs. those who can, well good for them but then ppl who cant should just wisen up to the fact that its abt the celebration, not how much the celebration costs.
Its so much more intelligent to save up for a happy life together.
yes you are right this is what happens here the groom and the bride spend the money or earn for it .. parents are not burdened with it all.. they can help if they want
now you are not worng in thinking of your old age …
what would i do , well I will be selling my house and bringing all that money back to india and living life back home, hopefully the house will sell enough to last me that long … but then who knows i might be alive till i retire
You’re a wonderful person Bikram. We need you to stay alive for a long-long time!
Kyon …Murh murh yaad sataave pind diyaan galiyaan di…
In some families young men pay part of their wedding expenses, usually their would be wife’s trousseau. And then there are families that will go bankrupt to impress the people they don’t like with the money they don’t have.
http://girlsguidetosurvival.wordpress.com/2011/04/08/desi-sex-ratio-and-marriage-nirmala-1925-to-2011/#comment-2220
Fully agree parents have no obligation to pay for their children’s weddings paying for education is good enough.
Peace,
Desi Girl
The idea makes sense. I’m going to let my child decide who he/she is going to marry and he/she should fund his/her wedding. But my reason revolves more around giving them independence, financial and otherwise, and making them capable of facing and dealing with the adversities(marriage is an adversity, eh
), financial and otherwise, rather than saving for my own good oldage. But I wouldn’t deny them part help 
P.S. Man, I have not even started thinking about my own marriage, and here you are, giving me reason to think about my children’s …..
Always nice to start early. Planning for the future always helps.
Me and Shyam did that for our wedding… In fact one of the things I told Mom (she raised me on her own) that I decide to whom I get married to, and when. She asked me ‘And when is that?’, I replied, ‘When I will be able to fund my own wedding!’ All the relatives were shocked, and the family astrologer thought I had too much attitude (he called me money-minded
) But well, I don’t want my Mom to spend all her life savings on one big party! 
Shyam’s parents funded a lot of things, but majorly it was all Shyam. I used up whatever I had saved over the last few years, and it was all fine. Of course I am broke now 
but that is OK. I know I will always make it up sooner or later.
I completely agree to it ….and I plan to do that too someday . There is no way I am letting my retired parents fund my wedding. I can’t refuse them to not help me shop or spend a bit but funding is just me and my partner. Because if a guy who can’t even finance his own wedding, how can you be even sure he can finance our life.
So you are absolutely right but it will take a while for the Indian society to realize this important premise to a great married future ahead.
And if one spends all money on kids what do they have left? If children love their parents and want them secure they would never expect them to spent a penny on their wedding too. My bro self financed his wedding in the states and that too an Indian wedding with a week of functions. He was broke later and he hated that my submissions prevented his family from being there for him but he did what he loved. Infact when dad fell ill once he spent all his savings he had on him . So that’s how we are raised. I can’t be as great as him but all I can try is making my parent’s old age secure and loved as much it can be.
So I hope I am well financially stable to finance my wedding when the time comes.
P.S. YAAAAAYYYY you finally updated the blog <3
Now update faster …such long breaks not allowed 
I know you promised to do in January but then within February you did so good
<3 <3
Totally agree with your views. That’s the reason I told my parents to not spend a fortune on my wedding…also I refused to take any dowry. Ours was a love marriage so my hubby and his family didnt have any issues too. Also, I didn’t keep any of the cash that we got in our wedding…that was my way of giving back to my parents even though I didn’t contribute much towards my wedding except for cutting down a few expenses like we didn’t have all the pre wedding functions coz i felt it is a waste of money. We just had a wedding followed by a reception, thats it.
I hope we have more progressive thinking ppl like u.
First I read this post from a positive perspective and then from a negative perspective. I am not saying whether you are justified in your argument or not. I am just giving some examples in which cases it is possible to finance your child wedding. Here ‘I’ does not necessarily mean me, it can be any person with the below reasoning.
If I have an income source after my retiremnt, ‘or’ if I think my kids will take care of me after my retirement ‘or’ I have more than enough money ‘and’ I like to spend on my child wedding I would do it.
Let me ask you something else on the same lines as your original question “Would you give up all your life’s saving & retirement plans to fix your daughters/sons problem which can arise after her/his wedding and assuming she/he needs monetary help? Lets say you didn’t want help your daughter/son….are YOU wrong in wanting to be financially safe in YOUR old age?”
Finally what did your parents do for your wedding? did that influence your thinking on this matter?
I think you are absolutely right. I am not the most keenest person on marriage but one day when I do and he’s not Ranbir Kapoor I don’t want my parents to break their savings for me just because I’ve always wanted a wedding at Marriott and the gown is dead expensive. It’s my wedding and my responsibility. How long are they going to look after me? Infact I plan to pay my parents back for my college and schooling. They’ve helped me grow. All I wish for them is to roam the world after I am done with education.
Yay you! I am so proud of you. Your parents are blessed to have such a considerate daughter!
I completely agree with Nicole. I am a daughter and I have made it clear to my parents that they are NOT going to spend for my wedding. Even I have talked to them about paying back my college fees once I complete graduation and am employed. If I can’t afford my own wedding, then I guess that means I am not ready to get married. After all, how can I start my own life if I am a parasite on my parents?
If you were my parent, I would’ve loved you more for that, and I am sure your daughter must be so happy to have a dad like you!
It’s alright to save up, I can understand that notion.
But I guess sometimes desi society makes it tedious to leave things simple, we love complicating stuff lol. It happens in Pakistan all the time.
But as parents we also want to spend something..why not make it also a category to save as u do for retirement..